Relationships can be tricky, but most of the problems we face in them are actually quite simple to solve. They often arise from our own assumptions and expectations. This article will walk you through five simple rules that can help you build and maintain stronger, healthier relationships.
#First Rule: Stop Assuming, Start Asking
90 out of 100 problems that arise in relationships are rooted in our assumptions.Let’s understand this with an example: Suppose you arranged to meet someone at 5 pm, but they couldn’t make it on time. As they get late, you start making assumptions about them based on your past experiences and beliefs about them. You might think, “Maybe they didn’t want to come to the meeting” or “Maybe they were at home. They’re always late, they don’t take our meetings seriously,” and so on. You start making negative assumptions. Instead, you can remove these assumptions and ask directly to the other person- Why were you late? Most of the time, the person will voluntarily provide an explanation, and it could be something important like a medical emergency. However, 90 out of 100 people make mistakes here. They don’t ask, they just make assumptions. These misconceptions can spoil good relationships. So from today onwards, if you have any doubts about anything, do not make assumptions. Ask immediately.
#Second Rule: Never Stop Communication
The conversation between you and the other person should never stop. There may be fights, there may be arguments, and you may not always agree, but communication should never stop. Communication is like a heartbeat; it’s like oxygen. If communication stops, the relationship stops. I have seen many personal and professional relationships suffer because of this. First, the number of phone conversations decreases, then the number of messages decreases, and then the number of likes on Facebook and Instagram decreases. Gradually, communication decreases and the relationship dies. You won’t even realize what happened. The end of communication means the end of the relationship, whether it is in a corporate team, a political party, or a sports team. Communication should never stop.
#Third Rule: Trade Expectations with Acceptance
It’s important to remember that expectations can often lead to frustration and dissatisfaction in our lives. We often have expectations of others without their knowledge, such as how they should behave or what they should do. It’s important to trade expectation with acceptance. We should focus our efforts and worries on things within our control, rather than on other people and situations which we cannot control. Setting high expectations for ourselves is okay, but we should avoid setting them for others. Instead, we should give people space and accept them as they are.
In many relationships, such as between spouses, fights often occur because of unmet expectations. By shifting our focus from expectations to acceptance, we can improve the quality of our relationships. This shift may be challenging, but it can lead to more fulfilling and positive connections with others.
#Fourth Rule: Give More Than What You Take
“Be a giver, not a taker.” In business or teams, consider the concept of give and take. Evaluate who gave less, who gave more, balance the account, and settle. However, when you are in a romantic relationship, the concept of give and take should not be a concern. The goal in life should be to give more than you take. In every relationship, whether it’s with your superior or subordinate, you should aim to exceed expectations. Whether it’s a husband-wife, brother-sister, mother-son, or father-son relationship, the focus should be on giving more than taking. I sometimes refer to this as the ‘Power of Extra’ in business terms. It’s important to meet expectations and then exceed them. This is my focus in relationships – giving more than you take. Initially, the other person may not realize or understand your actions when you start giving more. However, if you consistently do so over time, it will build a solid foundation of trust, resulting in an excellent quality relationship.
#Fifth Rule: Keep Allowance for Bad Moods or Mistakes
You are in your office, and your spouse is at home. Your entire day was spent in a different mood than his or hers. You both have different situations, different moods, different health, and different challenges. You reached home, maybe with exciting news like a promotion, but when you got home, you realized that something wrong had happened in your spouse’s parents’ house which made her upset. You brought happy news, but your spouse did not react as she should have. You don’t know her situation, and she doesn’t know yours. Every day is different, with different moods, body conditions, emotions, and energy levels.
If so many different things are happening in your lives, you should make allowances for that and give each other the benefit of the doubt. If something like this has happened, then your partner might have been in an off mood or might have made a mistake. Humans are not robots, we can make mistakes. Whenever we have a bad mood or make mistakes, the other person should be supportive and understanding. If one person is in a bad mood, the other person should try to cheer them up or provide support and understanding. When you see your partner having a bad day, bad mood, or making some mistakes, you should give them two things – support and understanding.
Helping them will do wonders for your relationship.
Relationships start in a day, but are built for a lifetime. Just like a plant that needs to be watered, fertilized, irrigated, and taken care of daily, the same has to be done with relationships too. Relationships take effort, patience, and understanding. By following these five rules, you can make your relationships stronger and more fulfilling. Remember, a good relationship isn’t built overnight; it requires consistent care and attention. Start applying these rules today and see the positive changes unfold.
Authored by: Deepak Bajaj, India’s Leading Life & Business Transformation Coach