Techno Claus (a.k.a. correspondent David Pogue) crawls out of the fireplace, and brushes ash off his costume, slightly annoyed.

A fun little factoid: Your fireplace smokes.
There is such a thing as a chimney sweep, folks!

In any case, hi! It is I, Techno Claus,
Invading your homes, and yet breaking no laws.
I come with idears for your gift-giving plans:
All tech stuff, all cool—all your friends will be fans! 

Vitesy Shelfy Fridge Purifier ($126)

The joy of the holidays never gets old;
But food? Not so much. It gets old and gets mold.
With this in your fridge, purifyin’ the air,
It eats the bacteria floatin’ in dere.

On average, 12 more days of shelf life you’ll see,
Less waste, less expense—that’s a win-win to me.

Courant MAG:3 Dual Device Charging Tray ($120)

You enter your bedroom, to rest and de-stress,
You dump out your pockets—and oy, what a mess!

What you need is a “catchall,” a gorgeous home base
That rounds up your doodads in one central place.
It charges your phone … and your ‘Pods … and your watch
It’s made of fine linen! I’d call It top-notch!

Fernida Electric Heated Pants ($70)

I travel outdoors, in the cold and the storm.
It sometimes gets challenging just stayin’ warm!

My secret, you likely won’t guess at a glance:
You’re looking right at ’em. They’re self-heating pants!
Three levels of heat, and the lining’s first class
There’s eight heated pads! One is just for your … tuckus!

SUPRUS FlexFlame Rechargeable Arc Lighter ($8)

A lighter is better than matches, I guess.
The neck reaches farther; there’s less of a mess.
The problem’s the gas. It’ll run out one day.
So what do you do? Throw the whole thing away.

But this one’s forever; it lights up as shown.
Electric! Rechargeable, just like your phone.
It’s great for your candles, your campin’, your grills,
And all of this goodness for eight dollar bills! 

SwitchBot Automatic Curtain Opener ($90)

I see lots of homes in the course of my work
And the nicest ones have an incredible perk:
Self-opening curtains! Too pricey, you grouse?
Well, this number brings them to anyone’s house!

It clips on a rod or a rail—it’s your choice
Controlled with an app, on a schedule, or by voice!

“Alexa …open the curtains!”

Glocusent LED Reading Light ($22)

Two places it’s rude to turn on a bright light:
In bed, next to someone—and flying at night. 

Behold: a solution—a triumph of tech:
A rechargeable light that you wear on your neck.
Three colors, three brightnesses, wonderfully cheap
For working, or fixing—or letting her sleep.

Segway Ninebot S2 ($450)

Remember the Segway a few years ago?
Self-balancing transport? Like mall cops, you know?

Well, here’s its descendant: The Ninebot S2.
You steer it and drive just by leaning! It’s true!
It whisks you along, 20 miles on a charge
Like 10 miles an hour, up hills—livin’ large!

OK, it’s no Jaguar, but still, very nice.
Like Segways of old, for a tenth of the price!

       
And so, for this holiday time, there’s your list
I hope you’ve enjoyed this small shopping assist.
The reindeer are antsy; I’m hearing ’em prance.
Plus, I should get back—gotta charge up my pants!

       
Story produced by Lucie Kirk. Editor: Joseph Frandino.